Marley & Me

We just got home from seeing Marley & Me and it was so cute! And so true to life. I laughed at Jennifer Aniston at the end of her rope with the crying babies & barking dog, because Ive been there...more than once I hate to admit. So much about that movie seemed as though I had lived it...not so much the dog part because....well, honestly, Daisy has been a dream! Yes she chews things up and sometimes barfs on the floor, but she is so loving and sweet with the kids,with all of us. But the thing that caught me off guard was not that Marley dies in the end but when "Jenny & Jon" are at the doctor to see their first ultrasound and they find out that the baby has no heart beat....gulp....I lost it. It will be six years in April that I miscarried our 3rd child and to be honest I haven't cried over that for probably 5 1/2 years. I don't know why...I know the Lord has a plan and it didn't include that child in our lives and Ive always been OK with that and I still am, but when I saw the look on the actresses face it pierced my soul and so much came flooding back. I spent the rest of the evening thinking about what our life would be like had I not miscarried, how I would have a 5 1/2 year old. Would it have been a boy or a girl? All things I wont experience in this lifetime. Either my hormones are extremely out of whack or as a mom I will always carry that feeling of loss with me. How strange for it to pop up during a movie about a dog, I know...but it made me think about that little someone that I hope I will meet someday in heaven. It also made me think about how strange it is to loose something so much a part of you and yet because of that loss I have Huddy & Ty and I may not have them had the miscarriage not happened...that I am SO thankful for. You'd think after coming home from a movie about a dogs life with a great family I would have come home and hugged Daisy (I did =)) but mostly I wanted to scoop my 4 babies up into my arms and sob. God is good, He always is, and He always will be. Thank you Lord for this reminder, for this memory that came flooding back, and for being there for me 6 years later.